Short Birthday Jokes

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Posted by admin | Posted in Birthday Jokes | Posted on 02-02-2010

A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."

 

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

 

The guy at the door says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"

 

He says, "Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very good."

 

The guy at the door says, "Come on in."

 

What goes up and never comes down? Your age!

 

What do you give 900-pound gorilla for his birthday? I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it. Also applies to really fat kids.

 

When I was a child my family was so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.

 

It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. "Oh, I don’t know", she said. "Just give me something with diamonds". So I got her a pack of playing cards. Didn’t go over so well.

 

My Husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that matched the color of his eyes – but where can you find a bloodshot tie?

 

My wife refuses to use Inter Flora for people’s birthdays. She says she doesn’t think people would like margarine as a present.

50th Birthday Jokes

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Posted by admin | Posted in Birthday Jokes, Specific Age Wise Sms | Posted on 02-02-2010

May you live all the days of your life.

 

Instead of thinking of 50th birthday party ideas, you’re talking about the price of gasoline!

 

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

 

Your best friend is dating someone half their age ….. and isn’t breaking any laws.

 

Don’t be sad you are another year older… Be grateful for another year lived!!

 

Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.

 

Men are like wine; some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

 

You sing along with the elevator music.

 

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

 

You take a metal detector to the beach.

 

You know you’re getting old when you can’t remember how old you are!

 

You wear black socks with sandals.

Old Birthday Jokes

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Posted by admin | Posted in Birthday Jokes | Posted on 01-02-2010

Of all my husband’s relatives, I like me best.

 

Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

 

I used to get lost in the shuffle; now I just shuffle along with the lost.

 

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

 

You’re so old you confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.

 

You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

 

Did you hear about the time Eddy’s sister tried to make a birthday cake? The candles melted in the oven.

 

What is the left side of a birthday cake?

The side that’s not eaten.

 

"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."

Next time, take off the candles."

 

Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.

 

I’m on a 30-day diet. So far I’ve lost 15 days.

 

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

 

Travelling to see historical sites isn’t as much fun when many of the sites are younger than you are.

 

You start video taping daytime game shows.

 

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

 

You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

 

Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.

 

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Best Birthday Jokes

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Posted by admin | Posted in Birthday Jokes | Posted on 01-02-2010

"Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade."

 

What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday? I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!

 

How can you tell if an elephant’s been to your birthday party? Look for his footprints in the ice cream.

 

I’d like to say something nice about you as it’s your birthday. Why don’t you? Because I can’t think of a single thing to say!

 

"Did you go shopping for my birthday present?" "Yeah, and I found the perfect thing." "What thing is that?" "Nothing!"

 

Cat: "What did you get him for his birthday?" Dog: "Pant . . . pant!" Cat: "Great . . . he needs a pair of pants!"

 

Did you hear about the dancer’s birthday? It was a tappy one!

 

Fred: Do you like the dictionary I bought you for your birthday? Harry: Sure. It’s a great present but I just can’t find the words to thank you enough.

 

Charley wanted to buy Farley a birthday cake, but he couldn’t figure out how to get the cake in the typewriter so he could type ‘Happy Birthday’

 

Something happened to me yesterday that will never, ever, happen to me again. How can you be so sure? I was 10 years old yesterday.

 

Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!

40th Birthday Jokes

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Posted by admin | Posted in Birthday Jokes, Specific Age Wise Sms | Posted on 01-02-2010

Use your ailing health to blackmail your children into doing all your gardening and housework.

 

Buy a computer, digital camera and a MP3 player. Although you’re incapable of understanding how to use them at least you’ll appear trendy.

 

Should you ever get the urge to go ‘all night clubing’ apply the simple rule – forget it!!

 

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

 

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

 

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off that you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

 

Always 18 but with 22 years of experience!

 

Dont worry babe, you dont look a day over 50!

 

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal.

 

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.

 

Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here’s an update for you.

 

Develop the power of a photographic memory – take photographs of everyone you need to remember.

 

Cultivate friendships with people much older than yourself. This will make you feel so much younger.

Funny Birthday Jokes

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Posted by admin | Posted in Birthday Jokes | Posted on 01-02-2010

"My birthday’s coming" Do you know what I need?" "Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?"

 

Why did the fat monster put a candle on his tummy? He was celebrating his girthday!

 

I forgot my brother’s birthday last month. What did he say? Rick: Nothing, yet.

 

For his birthday the monster asked for a heavy sweater. So they gave him a sumo wrestler!

 

"I guess I didn’t get my birthday wish." "How do you know?" "You’re still here!"

 

What does a clam do on his birthday? He shellabrates!

 

Good news! I’ve been given a goldfish for my birthday . . .the bad news is that I don’t get the bowl until my next birthday!

 

What did you get for your birthday? Another year!

 

BoyFriend: Why didn’t you give me anything for my birthday? GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.

 

Why was the monster standing on his head at the birthday party? He heard they were having upside-down cake!

 

Man l: "I got my wife a VCP for her birthday" Man 2: "Don’t you mean a VCR?" Man 1: "No, a VCP . . . Very Cheap Present!"

 

Did you hear about the time Eddy’s sister tried to make a birthday cake ? The candles melted in the oven.

 

"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." "Next time, take off the candles."

 

Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday? He’s trying to age disgracefully!