A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The guy at the door says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
He says, "Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very good."
The guy at the door says, "Come on in."
What goes up and never comes down? Your age!
What do you give 900-pound gorilla for his birthday? I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it. Also applies to really fat kids.
When I was a child my family was so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.
It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. "Oh, I don’t know", she said. "Just give me something with diamonds". So I got her a pack of playing cards. Didn’t go over so well.
My Husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that matched the color of his eyes – but where can you find a bloodshot tie?
My wife refuses to use Inter Flora for people’s birthdays. She says she doesn’t think people would like margarine as a present.